


The worst of all James Potter’s questionable ideas

by madisondreamson



Series: Terrible Ideas [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boys In Love, Christmas, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Forgiveness, Getting Together, James is a little shit, Jealous Sirius Black, Lily is an icon, M/M, MWPP, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, New Year's Eve, Pranks, Remus Lupin & James Potter Friendship, Shenanigans, but I love him, motorcycle, they all are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:01:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24231772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madisondreamson/pseuds/madisondreamson
Summary: James Potter is infamous for his terrible ideas… So the day Remus Lupin actually agrees to be a part of his latest (and possibly worst) scheme, when he has always seemed rather reluctant to carry out even James’ more reasonable ideas, is a day the Marauders most likely won’t ever forget.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Terrible Ideas [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860064
Comments: 4
Kudos: 153





	1. James' Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James convinces Remus to take part in his plan to woo Lily and also set him up with Sirius. Bad acting, laughter, serious boy talk.

Remus took a deep breath.

“Have you been taking drugs recently?”

“You have no faith in me, Moony. It’s _brilliant_. Flawless. Nothing could possibly go wrong.”

Remus highly doubted that. He could write an essay about all the ways this plan could go haywire, and would do, if it weren’t so painfully obvious how terrible it was.

“Pleeeease? It’s the only way Lily will notice me. And besides,” he added, smirking. “You may well get something out of it too.”

Remus felt the blood rush to his cheeks. Sirius. Remus had been in love with his best friend for around four months now, ever since he arrived at King’s Cross station, beginning of their 6th year, all dressed up in leather with a bloody _motorcycle_ . The wind had made his hair all messy, and his cheeks flushed, and Remus couldn’t help but imagine him looking that disheveled in… different circumstances. More importantly, he imagined that the cause of such dishevelment was, well, himself. At first he had denied it: Sirius had permanently left his parents’ house in Grimmauld Place, and his life at the Potters’ had rejuvenated him. He had always been good-looking, a bit bony and pale perhaps, but now, with all the care he had received by Mr and Mrs Potter, he was strong, tanned, healthy, and he practically _glowed_ with testosterone. Sirius Black was now a man. And as all self-respecting horny bisexual teenage male, he couldn’t help but feel a little attracted to him. Remus, on the other hand, felt just as plain and lanky and _awkward_ as he always had. Evidently, this new-found attraction to Sirius had not escaped James, and when he confronted Remus about it, Remus had no choice but to face his feelings, and admit to himself that he was falling arse-over-tit in love with the boy.

“James, it won’t work. Besides, Sirius is most definitely not interested in me. And neither is Lily in you for that matter,” he said viciously.

“It _might_ work,” James conceded. “You can’t know until you try. And what harm will it do? The most harm it can do is that we don’t advance in our pursuits, and there are a few awkward silences in the next few days, but we brush it all under the carpet, and _voilà_. No harm done.”

Remus groaned. There was no talking James out of it, and if Remus wasn’t his associate, then James would have plenty of perfectly willing candidates, and _then_ it would truly be a disaster.

“So hang on, let me get this straight. You want us to pretend we’re dating, mainly during the time of the New Year’s party I presume, to make Lily jealous, and realise she actually loves you, despite showing absolutely no indication that she’s even _remotely_ interested in you. This plan would also have the side-effect of getting _Sirius_ to realise he loves me, despite also having shown zero interest in me, because _why would he be interested_ … Essentially, a recipe for disaster.”

“Moony, Moony, you give yourself too little credit. Sirius is totally interested, he just doesn’t know it yet. Or maybe he does, and just thinks that you aren’t interested, because you’re such a secretive little shit. And anyway _why would he not be interested_ ? If I weren’t so straight for Lily even _I_ would be interested, you sexy beast.” James paused to catch his breath, but before Remus could think what to say next he added with a smirk, “I bet he thinks of you when he wanks.”

James had a particular talent for embarrassing people, a talent of which he was well aware, and he used it on Remus far too often for his comfort. Though Remus was easily embarrassed, which made him an easy target. This was no exception of course, and Remus averted his eyes, already feeling the flush creep up his cheeks.

“Why me?”

James’ mouth spread into a wide, mischievous grin, and Remus _hated_ it. He hated it because he knew the answer already.

“Why, to _embarrass_ you Moony. And also because I’d rather fake-date a good mate, someone I can trust, than some bird I hardly know fawning over my perfect abs. And before you ask, _no_ , Wormy won’t do, because although I love the guy and he loves me too, he’s too straight for it to work, and between you and Padfoot… Well, let’s just say that if it’s you, then there’s more chances that Lily will be jealous, and that Sirius will make his move on you.”

Remus opened his mouth to retort, but realised he pretty much had nothing to say to that.

“It’ll be _fun_ , Moony. All we have to do is flirt excessively, and maybe dance and hold hands and that’s it.”

Remus sighed, yet again. One day he would have to do something about this whole agreeing-to-do-anything-and-everything-for-his-friends situation, but today, he supposed, was not that day. Remus groaned into his hands. It might well be fun for James, but Remus could just _see_ himself being embarrassed yet again by James undisguised brazenness. But a small part of him _hoped_ that James’ plan would work, for his part at least, because Lily would rather date the Giant Squid than so much as look at James, and despite himself, his mouth quirked into a half-smile.

“I knew I could count on you,” James beamed.

***

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. I should have just gone to bed, or gone to take a piss, or wank- actually no, you would’ve talked to me through the door, and _that_ would’ve been too awkward. I hate you Prongs,” he huffed, unable to express his frustration any other way.

“Relax, Moony, you can always back out if you want, I won’t force you. Although, I _would_ have to take my revenge on you, something probably along the lines of impaling your arse with my… I’m joking Remus!” he said, catching sight of Remus’ visibly alarmed expression. “Seriously though, if you’re too uncomfortable, you can say no.”

Remus sighed. He was sighing an awful lot these days, and if he were keeping a list of all the reasons for his sighing, James would be at the number one spot.

“I’ll do it,” he said miserably, internally slapping himself for being so spineless.

“You’re the best Moony. Okay, I have the Map, now get into your position. As soon as Sirius and Lily come in from Potions, I’ll ask you to be my date for the New Year’s party.”

That year, the New Year’s party was quite a big deal: Dumbledore had planned a proper ball, and whereas usually only a small amount of students stayed over the holidays, that year nearly the whole school had decided to stay behind, buzzing with excitement. Naturally, the Marauders decided they would also attend, because who were they to pass up the opportunity to wreak havoc. Peter had suggested they freeze Snape and turn him into an ice statue, which was a good idea, but they wanted to do something… on a larger scale. Turning all the Slytherins into ice statues was out of the question because that was too suspicious. For the first time in their entire career as pranksters, they were stumped, with only two days left until the ball. Usually, James came up with really, really awful ideas, but at least they always left room for improvement. This time however, James’ attention was focused on wooing Lily, and this plan of his, to fake-date Remus had apparently dried out any inspiration he had left. Secretly, Remus was relieved. It was one thing to carry out their pranks with the utmost care and precision, it was a whole other thing to do this all the while pretending to date James. Still, Remus was willing to give it a go. He was pulled from his mental rêverie when James hissed,

“Quick, they’re coming.”

Indeed, just as he said it, the portrait hole opened, and Sirius and Lily walked in, chatting animatedly.

“Oh, Moony,” James cried, far too dramatically to sound natural. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m afraid I have developed a crush on you.”

Remus went bright red. This was ridiculous.

“Oh, is- is that so? I, um, well…” he trailed off, unsure what to say. Though he had to admit, if this had been Sirius, he would have been equally nervous. At least his reactions weren’t so out of character.

James practically threw himself on the floor at his feet. Which wasn’t so out of character either, considering the way he acted around Lily.

“Moony I- I know how this seems. All this time, I have been wooing Lily, but wonderful as she is, it was a ploy…”

“A ploy?” he squeaked.

“A ploy to catch your attention,” he nodded gravely. He was getting into character now. Remus started to relax. This wasn’t so hard. He took a deep breath, and put on his most convincing air of surprise.

“You mean… All this time, you’ve been after me? I… I don’t know what to say.”

James gazed up at him, hopeful.

“I know, it seems silly doesn’t it? Courting another to elicit a reaction from you. But I can’t lie anymore. You’re bloody gorgeous Moony, and funny, and kind, and… perfect. I guess I’m hoping you feel the same about me.”

“James I- of course I do. Everything you’ve done for me, I’m so grateful. You’re truly wonderful…” Remus hesitated. James was supposed to be the one who asked him out, but it might seem more genuine if Remus did it. He summoned the courage, and before James could pop the question, he blurted,

“Will you be my date for the ball?”

James looked genuinely surprised. This wasn’t what they had planned, but at least this reaction was authentic enough to counter his not-so-great acting. It seemed to have worked, because when they turned around, their eyes met with Lily’s and Sirius’ eyes across the Common Room. Lily looked shocked. She kept opening and shutting her mouth like a fish in a tank, seemingly struggling to think of something to say. Sirius, on the other hand, had his jaw clenched, burning eyes staring pointedly at the wall behind them. _Well_ , that part of the plan seemed to have worked at least.

***

James and Remus had both done their very best to contain their laughter until they safely reached the secret room behind the mirror on the fourth floor. It was James who burst first.

“Bloody hell, Moony, that was some top-notch acting. Did you see Sirius’ face?” he said once they calmed down.

“I can’t say the same about you, that ‘Oh Mooooooony’ was just about the worst acting I’ve ever seen. Still, I think we convinced them.”

“Sirius seemed pretty jealous, certainly. I told you he was after you Moony, and _no_ , there’s no way you can try to convince me he’s really after me, so don’t even try. We’re practically brothers, for Christ’s sake.”

“But-”

“No buts. I have never been more certain of anything in my life before. You didn’t see how much of a mess he was last year after the Snape incident. The thing is, he wasn’t upset so much because you weren’t speaking to him, but because he couldn’t forgive himself for hurting you like that. He loves you Moony.”

They were entering dangerous territory. There was an unspoken agreement amongst the Marauders that they were to avoid, as much as possible, speaking about the awful weeks ensuing from the fateful night Sirius had told Snape how to find Remus during his monthly transformations. When James had got wind of this, he headed straight to the Shrieking Shack, saving both his sworn nemesis from a certain death, and his werewolf friend from expulsion and potential legal issues. Neither of them spoke to Sirius for weeks after that, not after he so carelessly revealed Remus’ secret, but Remus eventually forgave him when his friends revealed they had worked for three years to become Animagi, all so they could be with him during the full moon. Remus didn’t think he had ever felt so loved before in his life than when his friends willingly performed very dangerous and advanced magic illegally just for his sake.

“I know. I know that he cares about me, that you all do. But I don’t think he loves me like that. I’m nothing special.”

“Moony, I meant what I said earlier. You _are_ special, you’re funny and wonderful and one of my very best friends. Do you really think you’d be a Marauder if you weren’t? And Sirius won’t admit he’s in love with you because he doesn’t want to bugger everything up again.”

Remus froze. Was Sirius holding back to avoid hurting Remus? That certainly did explain things. Sirius had always loved physical affection, he was always touching his friends some way or another, probably to make up for his being neglected as a child, but Sirius had been holding back this year. He hated to admit it, but he missed his lingering touches, his hugs, and soft pecks on his cheeks. Mostly, he missed Sirius’ warm presence in his bed on particularly cold nights, or during a storm. But still, that didn’t mean he fancied Remus.

“Don’t James, I can’t get my hopes up. I don’t want to be disappointed,” he said firmly. 

James’ face softened and he pulled Remus into a hug.

“You won’t be. I knew you liked Sirius right away, despite your legendary history of keeping secrets. I can tell that Sirius likes you, and you know as well as I that he would never, ever do anything to hurt you like that.”

Deep down, he knew James was right.

***

Sirius was confused. In fact, he didn’t think he had ever been more befuddled. James and Remus. Remus and James. It made no sense. Yet what he had just witnessed made perfect sense. James fancied Remus, and Lily was an excuse to get his attention. Remus fancied James back, and asked him out. Simple. But still, it made no sense. It seemed like this had popped up out of the blue. Admittedly, Sirius was more focused on squashing down his own feelings for Remus (unsuccessfully), and Remus was a master at keeping secrets. He wasn’t sure what got James interested, but he didn’t blame him: Moony was perhaps the most amazing boy he had ever met. However, something about this felt off. He tried telling himself that he was probably just jealous and therefore in denial, but then guilt reared its ugly head yet again inside Sirius. Guilt because who was he to be jealous of their happiness. Guilt because James deserved Remus far more than he did. Guilt because despite having Remus’ forgiveness for the Snape incident, he hadn’t earned it, not really. His train of thoughts was interrupted by none other than James and Remus entering the common room, giggling and holding hands.

A tense silence filled the room. James cleared his throat, but Sirius cut in before he had the chance to talk.

“So you’re uh, dating, huh?” Even to him his voice sounded distant and groggy. They only nodded. He summoned some of his Gryffindor courage and forced his mouth into a smile. He would have to be brave for them.

“I’m happy for you. You deserve it. Really. You… You’re good for each other. Moony you make sure Prongs doesn’t get too far into usual antics. And Prongs I know you’ll take care of our Moony, far better than I…” he trailed off, shaking his head. This was no time to mention his and Remus’ falling out. The look of pure tenderness on Moony’s beautiful face made his heart soar, and he could have kissed him if he didn’t know any better. Strangely though, James was looking at Remus with his typical I-told-you-so expression, but Sirius decided it probably didn’t concern him.

“Thank you. We weren’t sure how you would take the news, so we figured if you, uh, walked in on us, and then left you time to think…” Remus pulled a face. “But we’re happy. Really.”

Well, that explained the strange scene earlier on.

“I’m glad you’re happy.” And he meant it.


	2. Moonage Daydream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Remus talk to Lily, Sirius Says Stuff under abnormal circumstances, has sex, and Magick Moste Mesmerising occurs between one oblivious fool and another not-so-oblivious one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took way too long to update
> 
> I hardly did any editing because I reaaaally hate editing, so apologies if the writing isn't the best :/

“How do I look?”

“Dashing,” Sirius replied, not even bothering to look up.

“You didn’t even look.”

Sirius sighed and rolled on his side, almost missing the edge of the bed.

“You’re always dashing Moony. See, I’m looking now, you look great. Irresistible. I might just jump into your pants when Prongs isn’t looking.”

Remus hadn’t missed Sirius’ very obvious flirting. Granted, he could write it off as Sirius being, well, _Sirius_ , but James had convinced him Sirius had ulterior motives. When they announced to Sirius they were dating, Remus could practically smell the jealousy, despite his attempts to show he was happy for them. He thought his heart would melt when Sirius had asked James to take care of him, and when the remorse on his face had betrayed the fact that he still felt guilty about the incident. When Sirius had said “ _I’m glad you’re happy”_ in a small cracked voice, Remus truly believed he meant it. He just wanted Remus (and James) to be happy, regardless how he felt. Sirius was like that: he never put himself or his interests first, he was loyal to a fault, and perfectly willing to sacrifice himself for his friends. But Remus felt incredibly sad for him, because he didn’t deserve to be someone’s knight in shining armour, he deserved just as much of the love and care that he spread around. He mattered, and Remus wanted nothing more than to show him what he meant. He supposed years of abuse and neglect had made him this way, and Remus didn’t blame him. After all, Remus also tended to neglect his own needs and feelings for the sake of other people’s comfort. He felt such a wuss, and not at all brave like Sirius. It was simply easier for him to dismiss his feelings than to acknowledge them, whereas Sirius did it in an act of reckless loyalty, and because he didn’t know better. If anything was to be his undoing, that would be it.

He didn’t notice Sirius had left the room until Peter came out of the bathroom.

“Oh, I thought Sirius was in here with you. Do you have the map?”

“No, James has it. Why?”

“I have a date… Emmeline Vance, Ravenclaw,” he said proudly, as if Remus didn’t know who she was. “I wanted to go and meet with her before the ball, and I don’t quite fancy looking for her all over the castle…”

He cleared his throat and shifted from foot to foot, not quite looking Remus in the eye.

“Um, James told me that you were going together. I’m, you know, fine with it and all. I just- can you try and keep your hands to yourself, in the dorm I mean, I think me and Padfoot would rather not get an eyeful of, um, you know…”

Remus burst out laughing. As if he would ever get up to such activities in the dorm, and in front of the others no less. He hardly dared wank when the others were around, and only when he had the map to make _certain_ no one would interrupt him.

“You needn’t worry about _that_ Wormtail. Anyway how do I look? You look, um, good.”

Peter was wearing jeans and a too small black shirt with the collar up and a denim jacket. He had also tried doing something with his hair, mostly involving hair grease, in an attempt to recreate some sort of fifties pompadour. He supposed someone might find it sort of endearing, or cute even, but he doubted Peter would get anywhere near third base, and certainly not with Emmeline. Emmeline was one of the most attractive (and clever) girls in their year. Everyone was after her, and even Remus had wanked to the thought of her before now. Sirius had had a fling with her in fourth year, and ever since they _loathed_ each other. Perhaps that was one of the reasons she accepted to be Peter’s date. Guilt gnawed at his insides as soon as the thought occurred to him. Peter was a lovable, sweet boy with a particular talent for Charms and Herbology. Of course he could pull a girl. It just so happened Emmeline’s type was, well, Sirius. And Sirius was almost the opposite of Peter, in every way possible.

“No, I don’t. My hair is dreadful,” he said sourly. “You look great, Moony, that suit really, uh, suits you. Any chance you could help me with my hair?”

Remus followed him into the bathroom, and half an hour later Peter’s hair looked more like John Lennon’s did in the sixties. They swapped the shirt for a red polo neck and found him some aviator sunglasses at the bottom of James’ trunk. It wasn’t the height of fashion, but at least he could pretend to be impersonating Lennon. Remus was trying to Conjure a top hat when he was interrupted by none other than James.

“Oi, Moonshine, can’t be late for our first date, now can we?”

“I was helping Peter. He’s supposed to be John Lennon. You think it’ll impress Vance?”

“Who, Vance? Peter got a date with _Emmeline Vance_ ? Bloody hell, yeah he looks fine, though I’ve heard her favourite Beatle is Paul. _Anyway Moony_ , we have a ball to attend. Pete, I’m pretty sure Vance is outside the Portrait Hole. Bye!” he yelled, dragging -no _yanking_ \- Remus out the dorm and down the staircase.

“Moony you absolute _cock-teaser_ , how on Earth will Sirius be able to resist you, looking all sexy like that,” James smirked as they headed towards the Great Hall. This had the expected effect of making Remus blush.

“He’s already seen me,” he mumbled. “He said I looked ‘dashing’. He left the room just after.”

“Well of course he did, I bet he could hardly resist the temptation and had to go wank, you _saucy minx_.” James waggled his eyebrows in a very suggestive manner.

“Well, he did say he might jump into my pants when you weren’t looking…” _Shit, buggering fuck, never ever divulge this kind of information to James. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid._

“Oooooooooh, how _romantic_. Moony and Padfoot, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes- MMPH,” James’ singing was cut short by Remus slamming his hand to his mouth.

“Shut up Prongs, people are supposed to think we’re a couple,” he hissed.

“A really pitiful excuse, Moony. You just want me to stop embarrassing you. Ha! You’re blushing, and you’re much too cute for your own good.” Remus didn’t need a mirror to know he was bright red, and that it was not ‘cute’, but rather made him look like a human watermelon. Thankfully, he didn’t need much time to recompose himself before they arrived at the Great Hall.

It was truly wonderful: the whole room was decorated like a clearing in the forest on a winter night, with snow on the floor, strange mushroom-like chairs and tables, small pixies whizzing around the room, floating snowflakes, dancing lights. The hall was overwhelmingly dark yet bright at the same time; it was like some sort of magical cross between Narnia and Wonderland. Small food booths aligned the walls of the room, with intricate archways woven with all sorts of magical flowers and mistletoe, and where the teachers usually ate was a band entertaining the dancers. They were playing The Ballroom Blitz. But the pinnacle of the show was the phosphorescent silver and white Weeping Willow in the center of the dancefloor whose trunk formed some sort of staircase. Remus didn’t know where it led, but he imagined it must be somewhere as magical as the rest of the room. He was grateful they hadn’t planned any pranking, he wouldn’t want to spoil all this for _anyone_.

But what caught his eye was _Sirius_ , who in the short time between then and the last Remus saw him had _changed_ . He was wearing what looked distinctly like Marc Bolan’s rainbow Biba jacket over the perhaps most flattering suit that had ever been made. In fact, with his long and luscious dark hair, he could easily be mistaken for Bolan. It was all rather arousing. Remus was becoming more and more self-conscious of how tight his tight trousers were. He looked nowhere near as good as Sirius did. He was going for David Bowie’s 1975 Grammy Awards look with a white bow tie and his hair messily sweeped to the side, but next to Sirius it did seem quite dull. James sent him a knowing look, but thankfully - _dear God he was thankful_ \- didn’t comment any further. Sirius was in the middle of a rather, um, _heated_ dance with the ‘Emmeline Vance’ of seventh year, Martha MacLaren, in Gryffindor. Jealousy flared in Remus’ stomach like a severe bout of stomach ache, but he stamped it down. After all, as far as Sirius was concerned, Remus and James were dating. He shook his head and turned to James.

“You want to eat? There’s a chocolate fountain over there.”

It took them a full ten minutes to get there, as people Remus only vaguely recognised kept stopping them. Though holding hands with James possibly didn’t help.

“ _The_ James Potter, dating Loopy Lupin?” slurred Rebecca-or-was-it-Rachel. Remus was mildly offended at that. Alright, he wasn’t the most socially apt person ever, and for a while people wondered why James and Sirius, the most popular and _worshipped_ in their year, hung around Peter and he, but really, _loopy_?

“Yes,” said James irritably. “And he isn’t loopy, he’s brilliant. Now out of my w-Lily!”

 _Great_. That was just what they needed: James turning into a lunatic imbecile because Lily the-sun-shines-out-of-her-arse Evans was speaking to him, and completely blowing their cover.

“Oh, Potter. So it’s true. You’re dating Remus?”

“Yes,” Remus cut in before James could make a fool of himself. “But you should already know that, no?”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I did assume Potter was up to his usual antics, and this was a plan to catch my attention at first, and that he’d somehow lured you into it, but even Potter isn’t that stupid. Hell, even if he was, I don’t believe you’d be crazy enough to accept. But I’m happy for you. And relieved that James wasn’t _actually_ after me all this time, because that really would be sad.”

“Yes, quite tragic, indeed,” Remus laughed nervously. This was inevitably going to go haywire at one point or another, and Remus really didn’t want to be around when Lily hexed James’ bollocks off and left them to hang from the Whomping Willow.

But somehow, _miraculously_ , James seemed… normal. Ish.

“Now, now, Lily, I know what it seems like. But it’s like I said on, er, Wednesday, it was, indeed, all for our Moony here. _My_ Moony,” he smiled as he ruffled Remus’ hair.

“Yes, Wednesday, what was that all about? It all seemed rather dramatic, in hindsight. Even for you.”

“Sirius. We didn’t know how he’d take it, so, uh, we figured if he walked in on us it would leave him time to think later. You know, because of us being two blokes and all.”

“That’s… surprisingly insightful of you Potter. This really must mean something to you huh? Though I doubt Sirius would have any problem with the gay bit. He’s a shirt-lifter if ever I’ve seen one. See him dancing with MacLaren over there? The way he’s moving, he’s in no way attracted to her. A pure cover. No, if he had a problem I reckon it would be more about making sure Remus, specifically, was happy. He’s always been soft on you. Protective. Still, I suppose it’s not my place to say such things. Have a lovely evening Remus,” she paused. Then, “You too, James.”

“Did you hear that? She used my _name_!” he whispered, as soon as she was out of earshot.

“Yes, so make the most of it, because I expect when she finds out it’s all a ruse she won’t be so kind. If you’re lucky, you might keep _one_ bollock. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d rather you didn’t drool all over me while I pleasure my taste buds with my One True Love. Chocolate,” he clarified, as if it needed it.

James instantly zipped his mouth shut and stepped to the side. In different circumstances he probably would’ve joked about him snogging Sirius, or giving him head (which admittedly Remus rather fancied doing at that moment), but he knew better than to taunt him when he was enjoying chocolate.

***

Remus, beautiful _perfect_ Remus, was way too distracting for Sirius’ liking. He was _right_ in Sirius’ field of view, obscenely licking his chocolate-covered fingers as he dipped them into the chocolate fountain. Others might’ve been mildly concerned at the obvious indifference with regards to hygiene, but Sirius found it endearing and _arousing_ and was pressed with the urge to have Remus lick chocolate _off his own fingers_ . His arousal wasn’t much of an issue as he was pressed tightly against Martha. In fact, he was sort of relieved for it, because if she noticed that she wasn’t affecting him in any way (how could she when _Remus_ existed on this Earth) he would have some explaining to do. The realisation that she might want to engage in canoodling in an empty classroom hit him, but he pushed that thought aside, not wanting to worry about it. If she did, he would either find an excuse to get out of it, or deliver as was expected. He diverted his attention from Remus and committed to focusing on the dance instead. That was until James startled him by prodding a long, bony finger into his shoulder blade.

“Ouch, bloody hell Prongs,” he cried out as Martha glared at the intruder.

“Sorry,” he said, not looking sorry at all. “We just haven’t seen you, is all. You look great by the way. Do you mind hanging with us a bit? As reluctant as we are to comply with your sexual needs, we are your mates.”

He huffed in agreement and sent Martha an apologetic look, though partly he was glad to be rid of Martha. Dancing with her had become increasingly boring.

“Hey Pads,” said Moony, grinning crookedly in a way that made his heart pinch. Remus was going to be the death of him. “You look terrific. Marc Bolan, huh?”

“A man after my own heart, Moony, hardly _anyone_ recognised him. You’re David Bowie right? Thin white duke days. Hmm.” He stuck his nose in the air in fake disdain. “Forget about our Lord and Saviour Ziggy?”

“Well I would’ve done the Ziggy Stardust look if I had the means and it were socially acceptable to do so. People already call me ‘Loopy Lupin’ without a mullet and a lightning bolt painted over half my face.” Remus’ tone was light but didn’t hide the fact that the name-calling affected him. In a world where being a werewolf would close so many doors, he didn’t need any added prejudice.

“Don’t worry Moony, with us _anything_ is socially acceptable. In fact, if you wanted to do Ziggy Stardust roleplay with me, I’d be into it.” Remus blushed beautifully at James’ suggestion, though Sirius reckoned it was from embarrassment rather than arousal. Or _hoped_ at least.

“Now, now Moony, we can’t have you blushing like that. It’s too cute for your own good, I’ll be fighting the ladies for you,” James teased. “Pads is practically drooling.”

This time, Remus wasn’t the only one to blush. Sirius self-consciously wiped his mouth with his hand because it was quite possible he _was_ drooling, especially when it came to Remus.

“Told you so.”

Sirius glared at him.

“If you brought me all the way here to embarrass me James I’m not having it.”

“ _Kidding Sirius_. Anyway, I’ll go and see if I can pry Peter away from Vance, leave you two to catch up.”

Remus motioned at the Weeping Willow.

“Want to see what’s up there?”

As they climbed up the spiral staircase, Sirius relaxed. This was only Remus, they had been friends for over five years now, and nothing was going to ruin what they had. Though Sirius wanted more, he was perfectly happy with what Remus was willing to give him.

“Wow,” Remus whispered when they had arrived at the top. It was truly heavenly. No amount of Muggle architecture could ever make this. The wand work was extraordinary. The top of the tree was somehow a lot bigger than what it should be judging from what could be seen from the ground. Small pods like lily pads rested on the willows branches, apparently resistant to gravity. Light flowed freely through the branches giving the illusion of a river, and above them was the Great Hall’s signature starry night sky, up close. A slight magical breeze in the air alleviated the weight on his shoulders. Even Remus somehow looked a lot less troubled. There was a permanent air of worry underlying in his features, yet now he looked almost carefree. Almost, because no matter what there was always something eating away at him. It was just a fact of life.

They found a free pod and settled in it, Remus draping his legs over Sirius’ lap, and gazed at the ceiling in comfortable silence.

“I wonder where Sirius is,” said Remus after a while.

“I’m right here Moony, suffering under the weight of your legs. You’re heavier than you look, I can tell you that much.”

“You know what I mean. Where the _Dog Star_ is. Sirius.”

“It’s the brightest star in the sky. Have a guess. Go on Moony.”

Remus examined the projection above them, his eyes sweeping across the sky, thousands of stars reflected in them. His gaze stilled and he grinned.

“That one,” he said, shuffling over to press the top of his head against Sirius’ cheek. He was indeed pointing at its general vicinity. Sirius brought an arm round Remus’ shoulder, smiling stupidly at the warmth and softness of his hair against his cheek.

“Yep, that one’s me. I wonder if the Remus star exists.”

“No, I don’t believe so. Remus along with his brother Romulus were the founders of Rome, according to the myth, that is.”

“Well, I don’t know about a Remus star, but I know there are things called Wolf stars. Wolf-Rayet I think.”

“Oh?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“They’re very rare I believe. We learnt about them in Astronomy at the beginning of the year. They’re really, really bright and luminous, only people don’t see it, ‘cause our eyes can’t detect their radiation. That’s a bit like you, people can’t see how bright you are, but you’re the brightest light in my…” Sirius trailed off. This magic was making him far too comfortable with discussing his feelings, and far too _corny_ for his liking, but in that moment, he didn’t care, because Remus was everything.

“That’s really sweet Pads. Uncharacteristically mushy of you, but sweet.”

“They’re also among the _hottest_ stars out there,” he joked.

“If you think oversized sweaters and permanent eye-bags are hot, you must be mad.” He paused. “ _Barking_ mad.”

“Oh haha, very funny. Well _James_ thinks you’re hot,” he snickered, as Remus sat up properly so as to see Sirius properly. “Although James isn’t the best example of sanity. Christ, I’d say he was the complete opposite of a sane and rational. But the fact is, you _are_ hot, even James can tell that, or I bloody well hope he can anyway.”

Remus turned slightly pink at that, and muttered something that sounded like, “You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff he says…”, but before Sirius could react, his eyes went wide and he looked up at Sirius.

“Shit, we abandoned James and Pete.”

“It’s fine, we can stay. I’m sure James’d be fine with it,” Sirius insisted, because really, he didn’t want to leave this place.

“Padfoot he’s my date, I can’t just run off with some other guy, as tempting as it is,” he joked, winking. “Come on, we can’t waste away up here forever.”

Sirius groaned and reluctantly - _very_ reluctantly- hauled himself out of the pod and trudged down the spiral staircase. They were met at the bottom by James and Peter.

“Ahah!” cried James, waggling his finger dramatically. “I knew it, you were cheating on me with my own brother! My own Moony! Treacherous wanton! Alas, thou hast brought shame upon thyself. O ye-”

“Shut up Prongs. You can’t even speak regular english properly, let alone Shakespearian english.”

“Nonsense. Bullshit. _Dog_ shit.”

***

Time and time again, Sirius wished the body he was pressed up against was Remus. Time and time again, the body he was pressed up against was one of his latest female conquests. It didn’t matter if the body was covered in clothes, squashed between Sirius and the wall, or if the body was naked, squashed between Sirius and the mattress. Sirius never developed any feelings for them beyond mere friendship. The petting and canoodling was pleasant enough, and he didn’t really have any complaints. Kissing anyone was enjoyable if they had any idea of what they were doing, and on occasion, Sirius got a handjob or a blowjob out of it, though they never went any further. He never felt guilty about not giving them anything in return, as such was his reputation: the girls mostly knew what they were getting into. Sirius made no promises, and never committed to any one of them. He had taken some out on dates, or even become friends with them, but no one ever tugged at his heartstrings like Moony did.

The body of Martha MacLaren was no exception as she writhed beneath him on the desk of an empty classroom. They had retreated from the Great Hall when more and more couples piled onto the dancefloor. “Come with me,” she’d whispered in his ear, and it was all the persuasion he’d needed to get away from everything; from McGonagall’s suspicious glances, from Emmeline glaring at him across the room, from James and Remus casually dancing under the Weeping Willow. “Come for me,” she’d whispered around his cock. He wasn’t going to. He would come only for Remus. They had sex after that. Remus and James were together, so he gave in. He didn’t want to remain a virgin for the improbable prospect that Remus should ever want him. He had to get over his crush sooner or later. Though admittedly, that ship had long since sailed, as Remus was far more than a simple teenage crush.

“Sirius.”

He barely registered the fact that she was calling his name as he stared at the tiles on the floor.

“Black.” She paused. “Jesus, you aren’t going all brain-dead on me are you? It wasn’t _that_ good.”

“Sorry. What did you want to tell me?”

She burst out laughing.

“Why so frigid? You were only inside of me two minutes ago.” He looked up and glared. Not necessarily at her, more at the room and everything in it, himself included.

“Look, don’t think I haven’t heard all about you and your _ways_ because I don’t know anyone who hasn’t. Call it what you will. Casual sex. Sleeping around. Humping and dumping-”

“ _Humping and dumping_ you make it sound so vulgar.”

“Well it _is_ , kind of. But if you want there to be something between us, you need to be faithful. Committed.”

Sirius considered it for a few seconds, then shook his head.

“I haven’t made up my mind about anything. I can’t promise anything right now.”

Martha rolled her eyes.

“They say you're a hard man to please. Ha! If I’m lucky I might just get a date at Madam Puddifoot’s. But just in case you ever wanted more, with anyone you know, well, it’s good advice. To be faithful.”

“That’s just me, Sirius Black, suave and debonair ladies’ man, afraid of commitment, so he- what was it? Oh, _humps and dumps_ ,” he joked, though he couldn’t quite conceal his bitterness. He shook his head. “It’s not that, it’s just… I want to feel like I did something good to deserve them. I want it to be _right_. And I know sleeping around isn’t… That’s not how I’m going to earn someone’s trust, I mean.”

“You’re doing something good right now. Admitting your faults. Opening up. Not that hard, is it?”

It was hard, even though he had hardly revealed anything at all. He hated opening up to people. If he hadn’t been having sex just five minutes earlier, he would never have said it.

But she was right. He had to open up to people, and he had to stop canoodling around with girls if he hoped to get into a relationship, and even more, to get over Remus. He briefly considered admitting his crush to her, but decided against it. That was still a sensitive topic.

She was an alright girl, Martha. She was pretty, funny, and cleverer than what most gave her credit for. Maybe she could be the right person, given time. Maybe he would come to love her just as he loved Remus. A small part of him _knew_ that was more than unlikely, but he ignored it. Selfish. He would inevitably come to break her heart, but he didn’t care. He had stopped caring about many things, though he wasn’t sure his parents had brought him up that way, or if it was a coping mechanism he’d developed in response to his upbringing. He only cared about his friends, fellow Marauders.

“Hey, um, you’re right,” he took a deep breath. “I should open up more. And, er, maybe we could give us a go. You know, try dating and all that.”

Her smile gave him a sense of either relief and doom. He hadn’t decided which yet.

***

Doom. Definitely doom.

***

What the bloody hell was happening to him? He had shagged barely an hour ago, and already he was hard again from watching Remus dancing with James. They were both very awkwardly trying to keep up with the rhythm, and most of all with each other. Their grinding lacked any coordination, and any sort of style, but it was impossibly endearing and somehow arousing. Well, Remus was. James looked more ridiculous than anything. They seemed to be enjoying themselves if their laughing was anything to go by. Remus kept throwing his head back in laughter, and at one point James _howled_ . Oh yes, they were having a _blast_ , all the while Sirius was stuck sitting at a small booth between Martha and her friends.

“So, you and Black huh?” said Jennifer Jones. “I never would’ve thought, what with _his_ reputation.” Sirius was vaguely aware of her shooting him a dirty look. He and Jennifer had had a fling back in fifth year, and they weren’t exactly on good terms.

Sirius grunted. He did not want to deal with this now.

“Relax Jen, I’ll have him well-trained and bred in no time.”

Sirius scowled.

“Oh god, Martha, what are you doing? He’s going to dump you before the sun is up, mark my words. Never liked him, always knew he was bad news.”

Sirius snorted. He’d been making rather unrefined sounds for the past twenty minutes in response to whatever it was the girls were talking about.

“That’s not what you said when you had your hands down my pants back in fifth year,” he retorted. “Come on Martha, let’s go dance some more.”

It was not his best rebuttal, nor was it very Gryffindor of him to make excuses to get away from uncomfortable situations. But he’d already grit his teeth and tolerated her presence for the past twenty minutes, and he really wasn’t in the mood. Martha rolled her eyes and apologised to her friends and shuffled out of her seat. They made their way to the dance floor where the band was playing the first few bars of “Moonage Daydream”. 

Sometime during that time, James and Remus had found their balance, and were beginning to attract the attention of the other dancers. Sirius didn’t blame them; Remus’ flowing graceful moves counter-balanced James’ extravagant, eager ones beautifully, and the result was now more sexy than awkward, though it was still a bit clumsy. James shot him a smug, daring look, and winked. _Compete with this_ , it said. _I dare you to dance better than us_. He was challenging him. Well, if he wanted competition, then that’s what he would get. He pulled Martha to the center of the dancefloor, a few feet from Remus and James, and started grinding. She must’ve understood what was going down, because she rolled her eyes at him but went along with it all the same.

Then it was Remus’ turn to shoot him a look. Except this one was not only smug like James’ had been. This one was downright provocative, and Sirius never knew Remus had that look in him. He raised an eyebrow that seemed to say, “is that all you’ve got?”. 

It was such a turn-on. 

Remus laced his arms around James’ waist, hands his arse, pulling him even closer, all modesty forgotten. They were grinding their hips together, rocking each other back and forth, catcalls echoing all around. And not once did Remus break eye-contact with Sirius.

His eyes were almost magnetic, Sirius couldn’t break away from them; they were burning through his soul, tearing down every protective wall he had carefully put up. His face screamed desire, and Sirius was sure his face mirrored him.

Yes, desire. The thick tension surrounding them had desire written all over it; pure lust filled all his senses, overwhelming him. It seemed to drown out all that was happening around him. He could hardly feel Martha’s touch anymore, his body moving automatically, the cheers and catcalls hazy and distant, like a dream.

All that was, in that moment, was Remus. Something electrical, magical was happening, and it hurt, yet it was beautiful, tangible, like a swarm of bees, buzzing and buzzing. But with what? Was it lust? Or did it run deeper than that? Were they soulmates?

But it couldn’t be, because Remus was dancing with James, and Sirius was dancing with Martha. Nothing was happening between them, because Remus didn’t want there to be anything between them. This, whatever it was, was ludicrous.

And yet, the thick magic in the air was undeniable. It was more than a spark, it was fire, burning with passion, hypnotising energy connecting these two boys, six feet apart, and Sirius was drunk on it.

Had the music changed? It was impossible to tell, though the same deaf beat thumped, guiding his movements, because Sirius was losing control, so long as those burning, electric, amber eyes enslaved his own, he was falling, falling, falling…

And then, it stopped. Because just like that, the contact was lost, and his surroundings came back in a deafening heartbeat, and it hit him that James had dipped Remus, breaking the link, and now their lips were pressed together, and a bubble of hot white magic suddenly burst.

***

James was snogging him, his tongue had darted inside his mouth, and there was nothing Remus could do, because those few moments of… of what? It didn’t matter. Because it was over.

Except it wasn’t really, because in the aftermath of the thrill, it took Remus a few seconds to realise that James had broken off the kiss, and that something serious had happened. Remus was pulled back into a standing position, and his eyes met with Sirius’ again. But they weren’t the same. No, they were wide with fear, because Martha was on the floor beside him, knocked unconscious, and there were scorch marks on his shirt, by his heart, and silence filled the air. The band had stopped playing.

  
  



	3. A Big Bad Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Thing happens, Sirius takes blame, becomes a hermit, until Lily knocks sense into him, Sirius makes amends with James, and our two fools in love have their wicked way with one another. Peter knows, Lily doesn't hew one James Potter's bollocks off, and James is Shooketh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow developed the ability to create dialogue that's not so cringey  
> hope you enjoy :)  
> warning: no smut, but like,,,,innuendos and implied sexual content

Sirius wouldn’t look at him. No matter how hard Remus tried to catch his attention as McGonagall, Filch, and Slughorn dragged the Marauders minus Peter up to Dumbledore’s study, Sirius looked anywhere but at him. When they arrived there, and they were told to wait a few minutes for the headmaster to arrive, Sirius sat as far from James and Remus as possible. Remus didn’t blame him. If he were in Sirius’ position, unaware that this whole thing was another one of James’ stupid ideas, he too would try to put as much distance between them.

That and the fact that, well, a Thing had just happened between them. There was an unspoken rule within the Marauders that when something serious, a “Thing”, occurred between two or more of the Marauders, they were to brush it off and never speak of it again. It had started with Sirius, oddly enough, in second year, when James had got the position of Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch, and Sirius hadn’t been selected as Beater. James had tried to talk to him about it, but Sirius had carefully avoided him for a few days, and James got the message. They all had. It wasn’t exactly healthy, but Sirius had gone back to normal within a week, and ended up being James’ most fervent supporter when he won his first match. Ever since, they abided by the rule religiously, and they never had any issues with it, save the Snape Prank. Except this was more than just a Thing, it was a Big Bad Thing, just like the previous year. They couldn’t go back to normal, because if it happened again, problems would arise. But they couldn’t talk about it without acknowledging that a Thing had happened, and that was out of the question.

Looking back, there had been many, many Things between Sirius and Remus, which they had both conveniently ‘forgotten’: the time Sirius snogged the girl Remus had a crush on in fourth year two days after he promised to set them up, or the time Sirius stole his chocolate (to be honest Remus still hadn’t forgiven him for it; he was just biding his time, waiting for revenge). But now was no time to venture down Memory Lane.

They still had to sort everything out with Dumbledore. And speak of the devil, here he was.

The three boys hastily got up and serenaded him with a “Good evening, Headmaster.” They knew better than to get on his bad side. Next to him, Professor McGonagall was glaring at them. She cleared her throat.

“Never, ever, at any event such as this one, have I seen such misconduct from students of my house. You should be ashamed of yourself-”

“Minerva.”

“-attacking innocent students, eyewitnesses claim you-”

“Minerva, please. Allow the boys to explain themselves.”

They looked at eachother. Or rather, Sirius and Remus looked at James, who flicked his eyes between them. He let out a long, dramatic sigh.

“Fine, I’ll explain everything, even though I didn’t do anything.” He looked up and stared Professor McGonagall straight in the eye.

“Moony and Pads here have this big, crippling crush on each other, and as neither of them were doing anything about their metaphorical boners I took matters into my own hands and conspired with Moony to make him jealous, and also make Lily Evans jealous. She’s really wonderful, and gorgeous and-”

“Get to the point Mister Potter.”

“Except I snogged Moony, and I don’t know I think they were staring at each other when we were dancing because Moony got a boner and Sirius looks really sexy tonight, if I may say so myself, and Sirius got jealous I suspect because then boom, accidental magic, and Martha was knocked to the ground,” he finished.

Silence.

“That’s not what we heard from our eyewitnesses.”

“Who?”

“Misters Avery, Lestra-”

“Oh but they’re Slytherins, you can’t trust them. What did they say, by the way?” he said bluntly.

“Mister Potter, that is no way to speak about your classmates,” she scolded. “It doesn’t matter to you what they told us. Besides, your story does not account for the fact that we found fellow student Severus Snape transfigured as an ice statue. Care to explain?”

Peter must’ve gone through with his original idea. Remus had to admit he was surprised he did something without James or Sirius behind him, but perhaps the boy was finally beginning to grow a pair.

James opened his mouth but Sirius cut him.

“I’ll explain everything.”

His face had gone pale, and he was staring pointedly at the floor, jaw and hands clenched.

“I attacked Martha because I was wound up by something that happened earlier that day,” he said. Remus knew he was lying, because of the way he reacted when James explained what had happened. “She was annoying me, and I acted irrationally. I also turned Snape into an ice statue. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I’m prepared to take whatever punishment you deem fit. Potter and Lupin had nothing to do with it.”

Remus looked at James, astonished. Sirius was lying just to get them out of trouble. For the first time that night, James seemed genuinely worried.

Ten minutes later, after Sirius was given two weeks of detention when for the start of the knew term, lost 70 house points, and had to write a formal letter of excuse to Martha and Snape, they were finally released from Dumbledore’s office, but were sent straight back to their dormitory. So much for the New Year.

Wordlessly, Sirius made his way towards the dorm without so much as a backward glance. He was now ignoring James as well.

“Oh Moony I’m sorry. This whole plan was a disaster wasn’t it?”

Remus didn’t answer.

“I thought telling the truth there would make him realise that… well anyway. I suppose he thought we were taking the piss or something. God, we’re supposed to be like brothers, I can’t believe I didn’t think of how he’d take it.”

James was crying tears of frustration now. He’d never fallen out with anyone before, and he was unsure of how to deal with his emotions.

“He’ll come ‘round,” Remus said, uncertainly.

James let out a sob.

“But not just him, you too. I ruined it all between you two. God, I should have just let you sort yourselves out on your own. And Lily! She’s going to hate me even more now.”

“Nothing is going to be ruined James. You know what, I think this is an opportunity. To, um, communicate. I can try talking to Sirius once he lets his guard down. Honestly. Confess my feelings or whatever. I mean it can’t make it any worse can it?” 

James laughed hoarsely.

“Course not, he can’t stay mad at you. He’s in love with you.” He paused. “I suppose I should talk to Lily as well. I’ll brace myself for the worst, but if there are any protective spells that last a lifetime, I’ll take them.”

“There aren’t. Not that I know of, at least.”

“Bugger.”

***

The next couple of days were awkward. On New Year’s Eve, they didn’t even bother staying up for the remaining hour ‘til midnight, and consequently missed the countdown. Peter arrived back in the dormitory at four o’clock in the morning, drunk and high, and had apparently got somewhere near third base judging by the makeup smears on his face and shirt. He slurred something that sounded like “Happy New Year” before throwing up and passing out on the floor. He didn’t ask what happened between the boys, which Sirius was grateful for. The traitors Potter and Lupin didn’t try to speak to him, though that was possibly because Sirius shut himself behind his bed curtains or else glared at them when they got too close. His mind wandered back to what James had said that night. _“Moony and Pads here have this big, crippling crush on each other, and as neither of them were doing anything about their metaphorical boners I took matters into my own hands and conspired with Moony to make him jealous.”_ Wrong. First of all, Sirius didn’t have a simple teenage crush on him, he loved him. Second, there was no way Lupin reciprocated. He’d accepted the fact that he and Potter weren’t actually dating, and that it was some ‘conspiracy’ or whatever. James still loved Lily, and Remus was still his werewolf best mate.

But what he couldn’t fathom was the idea of Remus liking him back. It wasn’t possible. What had Sirius ever done for him, apart from becoming an Animagus to help him during full moons? Besides, he wasn’t the only one to have done it. He didn’t deserve Remus’ love, and his infamous Snape Prank last year proved he couldn’t be trusted. It had taken Remus months to forgive him and go back to being friends, he wasn’t about to fall in love with him.

Once he had understood this much, it became clear that this whole thing was some sick joke to publicly expose his ‘metaphorical boner’ for Remus. He didn’t blame them. His pining was pitiful, and at least Remus had got revenge on him for the Prank. He deserved it. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t hurt by it. He still didn’t understand what exactly happened with Martha that night, or how they knew he would react that way, but it didn’t matter now. Martha was still in the hospital wing. He had apologised to her and explained that he wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship. She understood, but was disappointed when he couldn’t explain why the change of heart. Certain Slytherins were spreading rumors that he was ‘dangerous’ or something. Jennifer Jones shot him death glares every time they passed each other. All in all, this was not a good start to the year.

But the truth was he _missed_ them, so much. They were such an integral part of his life and insanity. He couldn’t keep this up any longer. He had to talk to someone. He briefly wondered if Peter would be of any help, but then realised he would have to find whichever broom cupboard he and Vance were locking lips in, and he wasn’t ready to face that particular sight. He probably wouldn’t be of any help anyway, bless him. No, he needed someone who wouldn’t judge him, but at the same wouldn’t hold back knocking some sense into him.

Someone like Lily.

***

“Lily?”

She ignored him.

“Um, Lily, please, can I talk to you?”

She dropped her pen on the table and looked up irritably.

“What?”

Sirius glanced at Alice Fortescue, who was sitting next to her, scribbling away on her parchment.

“Privately.”

She sighed and gave Alice an apologetic look, though she didn’t seem to have noticed. “This had better be good.”

***

“Let me guess. It’s Potter, isn’t it? What the bloody hell did he do now?”

“He-”

“Oh god, I knew it. He isn’t dating Remus is he? It’s a prank, isn’t it? What, did you get all caught up in his bullshit, and now Martha won’t date you? If you want me to convince her-”

“No, it’s not like that. It- I. Don’t know how to explain.”

She took a deep breath. “Try starting from the beginning.”

“I’m in love with Moo- Lupin.”

“Oh? That’s it? I can’t say I’m surprised. So what, you’re sad that he’s dating Potter? Well, you don’t need to be, because I’m fairly certain they aren’t.”

“No, I know that. It’s just… something happened, between me and Re- Lupin.”

“Judging by the fact that you refuse to call him Remus, I assume it’s something bad, right?”

“Yes. I mean no, it’s…”

“Well which is it? Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

“Knowing Remus, I sincerely doubt it could be any worse than what you did to him last year.”

“Yes, well, I don’t want to talk about that. He’s forgiven me.” He paused. “Or I thought he had.”

“Develop.”

“Lils you’re being really blunt right now, you know that?”

“I don’t have all the facts. I am remaining neutral. Now, talk.”

Sirius grit his teeth, irritated, but continued.

“I think they planned this whole thing to expose my crush on Re-Lupin and humiliate me. When we were dancing, Remus kept… I mean Lupin kept- oh sod it, I can’t do this, _Remus_ kept looking at me, and I was looking back, and it was magical and amazing and super arousing, and I got hard-”

“That part was unnecessary, but go on.”

“-and it was so intense that when Remus looked away and started snogging James, I did some accidental magic. I’m really good at controlling my magic usually. It was really scary.”

“I don’t believe that, you have about as much self-control as a Blast-Ended Skrewt.”

“You wound me Evans. _Lies._ ”

“You know it’s true. But moving on.”

“Later in Dumbledore’s office, James said that they weren’t really dating, and that it was all to make me jealous, so I’d finally make a move on Remus. He said that we were both in love with each other.”

Lily remained silent for a while.

“I fail to see where the problem is. Other than the fact that the three of you are such enormous dunderheads. Isn’t this good?”

Sirius sighed in frustration.

“The problem is that Remus _can’t_ like me. Remember what I did to him last year? There’s no way, I betrayed him.”

“I thought we weren’t talking about that.”

“That was _before_.”

“I’m pulling your leg Sirius. Carry on.”

“The point is, if Remus doesn’t like me back, then why did they pretend to be dating? The only rational conclusion I’ve come to is either this had nothing to do with me, and Remus was helping James to catch _your_ attention, which I highly doubt because would never dare take part in a such a dangerous scheme-”

“You’re damn right about that, I’d never forgive him.”

“-or, they were doing this to humiliate me.”

Lily looked at him in disbelief.

“You, Sirius Black, are the most oblivious, thick-headed, stupid guy I have ever met, with the exception of James Potter.”

“Gee thanks, Lily, I love you too.”

She shook her head.

“You don’t honestly believe that, do you? First of all, Potter is loyal to a fault. A literal fucking knight in shining armour. Sure, he’s a complete wanker, but I have to give him that much. Second of all, Remus is a huge sap when it comes to you. He could never, ever hurt you.”

“You don’t know th-”

“Oh yes I do, you should see the way he lights up whenever you’re in the room, or whenever he talks about you. He goes all moon-eyed and gooey, and it’s revolting, but totally adorable at the same time.”

“Wait- what?”

“He’s in love with you Black.”

“How?”

“Because you’re human. Because you have flaws, but you have so much goodness inside of you, and you choose to act on that part of yourself. What happened last year proves it. You make mistakes, but you learn from them, and you do everything in your power to make things right again. You didn’t give up on your friendship, even when it seemed all was lost, because it would’ve crushed you. You earned his forgiveness, because you loved him. I think on some subconscious level he realised this, and fell right back in love with you, and I am completely the wrong person to be telling you this, but it’s all true.”

Realisation hit him like a cold, hard blow to the head. Maybe Remus really loved him after all. Maybe he _was_ an ‘oblivious, thick-headed, stupid guy’ who spent too much time feeling guilty for all the bad things he had done that he failed to see what was right in front of him. He hadn’t truly believed that they would go to such measures to humiliate him, not really, but it was so much easier to pretend people didn’t like him than face the fact that they loved him really. Maybe he was really in denial because he couldn’t bear to be in a position where he could hurt them again.

But maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. Because Remus was worth it. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it was selfless. Sirius couldn’t tell. All he knew was that now, he had to make amends, and talk to James and Remus.

He was so happy he could kiss Lily.

He let out a huge breath of relief he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“I’m such an idiot.”

“Agreed. Now go on and confess your undying devotion to the love of your life.”

“On my way.”

He leapt up off the only table that wasn’t rickety in the abandoned classroom and sped to the door. He stopped just before turning into the corridor and glanced back at Lily.

“You coming?”

“In a minute, I’m thinking. Considering a career in couples counselling if all else fails.”

“You’d hate it.”

“Probably.”

“Oh, you know what you said about having ‘goodness inside of me’ or something?”

“Yes?”

“Now, James-”

She groaned but didn’t stop him.

“-well, though he may be a flawed human being-”

“Very flawed.”

“-he has much, much goodness inside of him-”

“Plausible enough.”

“-and though he has no sense of romance-”

“You can say that again.”

“-he’s really a softie at heart-”

“Softheaded more like.”

“-and whenever he thinks or speaks about you-”

“I’d rather not think about it, to be honest.”

“-he goes all, what was it you said? Moon-eyed and gooey-”

“Yuck.”

“-and as you said so yourself, my dear Lily-”

“Oh god.”

“-he’s loyal to a fault-”

“Don’t ever quote me on that again.”

“-a practical knight in shining armour-”

“I hate you.”

“-except I doubt that truly cool knights cry out your name so pathetically when they wank-”

“TOO MUCH INFORMATION.”

“-but anyway what I’m trying to say is-”

“Don’t say it.”

“-you should totally give him a chance because he’s worth it, despite his really smelly farts.”

Lily threw her head back in laughter.

“You almost had me convinced there until you mentioned his smelly farting.”

“Damn. It was worth a try.” He winked at her, waved, then skipped down the corridor towards Gryffindor Tower, feeling decidedly happier than when he had first entered the room. God bless Lily and her unfiltered words.

***

He caught James exiting the Common Room, map in hand, just as he had entered it.

“Oi, James.”

“Padf-MMPH,” he choked as Sirius tackled him to the floor and pressed a big, sloppy kiss to his forehead. James looked up in confusion, but his lips spread in a mischievous grin when he caught Sirius’ expression.

“Back on speaking terms are we, you tosser?”

“I missed you, Prongs. And I’m sorry I was such a kill-joy, but all is sorted out, I have seen the light, and realised the error of my ways.”

“Caught on have you?”

“Yep. And by the way, fake-dating Moony was the worst idea you’ve ever had, but I don’t regret it one bit.”

James raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, is that so? Well if you’d sorted out your boner before now, I wouldn’t have had to resort to such drastic measures.”

“Yes, but that would’ve been too easy.” He lowered himself down again and pressed a wet kiss to his mouth, eliciting a disgusted moan from James.

“Watch it Black, just because Moony’s fallen for your supposed charms doesn’t mean I will. My heart will remain faithful to the ever magnificent Lilith Evanescence.”

“One track mind, you have.”

He stood up, wiping away the dust from his trousers, then bent over to haul James up.

“Where are you going, by the way?”

James sighed.

“I have to talk to Lily, and explain what happened.”

“Oh, no need, I already did that. She’s the one who helped me see the truth.”

“Really? That’s great! She’s not mad then? Oh what a relief, she truly is wonderful.” He grinned dopily. “Say, did you put in a good word for me?”

“Uhuh, _mais naturellement_ _Monsieur Potter_. She even said, and I quote, _‘You almost had me convinced there until you mentioned his smelly farting.’_ You’re really growing on her.”

“My farts do not stink!”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“At least I don’t smell of wet dog.”

“Yeah, well, my wet dog scent seduced Moony.”

“He’s a wolf, of course he’d be attracted to another canine. Doesn’t make it any less smelly.”

“Fuck you, Potter.”

“Love you too, Pads. Now go get yourself some werewolf cock.”

“Is he in the dorm?”

James gave him a thumbs up, and that was all the encouragement Sirius needed to rush up the stairs towards their dormitory. He was buzzing with both excitement and trepidation, and didn’t even bother knocking before bursting in. Remus was sitting on his bed, immersed in a book, three empty wrappers on the floor by his feet and tell-tale chocolate smears on his face.

“Oh Moony,” he breathed.

Remus looked up apprehensively.

“Are you still ma-”

“Mad at you? No, don’t worry. Lily knocked some sense into me. I have seen the light.”

Remus grinned crookedly.

“Well I still want to apologise, you had every right to be mad. We kind of messed up, James and I. Sorry.”

“No, no, don’t apologise, you did nothing wrong. I was a git. I thought you were doing it to embarrass me or something.”

“I figured as much.” Remus laughed. “You want to talk about… the Thing, then?”

“Yeah. Yeah I- how long?”

“I think I realised it at the beginning of the year. You’d just had a really intense summer, being disowned and moving in with James and all that, yet you looked better than ever. And you had a goddamn motorcycle.”

“I thought you hated it. You always refused when I asked if you wanted to ride with me.”

Remus looked him straight in the eye. “Sirius, you’re a public hazard. Frankly I don’t think anyone in their right mind would want to ride that thing with you.”

“She’s called Tempest, not ‘that thing’.”

“Yeah, well, doesn’t change the fact that riding her is suicide. Plus I didn’t quite fancy getting hard when I’m pressed against your back, holding on for dear life.”

“You won’t need to worry about that part anymore,” he grinned mischievously. “I must say I quite fancy the idea of getting you all hot and bothered like that ten feet in the air.”

“IT FLIES?”

“Not yet, but she will soon. And I plan on pestering you every single day until you finally accept to ride her with me. Or, alternatively you could always just ride _me_.”

Remus went bright red.

“You’re going to be the death of me.” He cleared his throat. “How long has it been for you?”

“Last year, I think. The first full moon we were by your side. You were so beautiful, and the next morning you hardly had any injuries.”

“I remember, Pomfrey couldn’t figure out what had happened. I seem to recall she called it a ‘miracle’.”

“To be fair, us becoming Animagi by our fifth year is pretty miraculous.”

“I still don’t know how you managed it without anything going wrong or anyone finding out.”

“Moony, we’re the _Marauders_. You underestimate us.”

“Considering the kind of stuff James comes up with, quite the opposite actually.”

“Fair enough. How ever did he manage to convince you to fake-date him?”

“I was going to say no originally. He told me it was to attract Lily’s attention. A lie obviously, he just wanted to set us up. But he was pretty convincing, and to be honest it was fun for a while, until, yeah…”

“Until he snogged you and I got jealous as hell and my accidental magic exploded.”

“I did not know he was going to do that.”

Sirius raised a mocking eyebrow.

“Oh what, he swept you off your feet and stuck his tongue in your mouth just like that? You’re such a bottom, Moony.”

Remus stuck his chin out defiantly.

“You wish. I’m the Alpha wolf in the pack here.”

“I guess we’ll have to try both. How is his kissing by the way?”

“I’m not telling you. You’ll only taunt him.”

“That bad?”

“Well see, I didn’t say that. Besides, I have nothing to compare it with.”

“Are you implying that you want me to snog you, you wicked werewolf?”

“Are you implying that you _do_ want to snog me?”

“Fair enough.”

Kissing Remus was quite unlike anything else he had done. He reiterated his previous statement that kissing was merely ‘enjoyable’. With the right person it was glorious. With Remus, it was damn near perfect. His mouth was warm and sweet and chocolatey, and Sirius wanted to keep kissing him forever.

Though eventually, when air became an issue, they broke apart, panting. Remus’ hands were tangled in his hair, but at that moment, he didn’t care.

“How was I? Better than Potter I expect.”

“I don’t know see, I haven’t got enough material yet to compare.”

“You want to kiss me again? You need only ask, and I will deliver.”

“Actually, I’m lacking in James material. You see, it was all over so quickly, I’m afraid I shall have to kiss him again to provide you with a true and earnest answer,” he teased.

“You’re such a tease Moony. You know my kissing is bloody fantastic, and superior to James’ in every way,” Sirius boasted.

“There’s no need to blow your own trumpet Pads, you have me for that.”

“That was a lousy innuendo, Moony.”

“Judging by the tent in your trousers, your cock begs to differ.”

“Touché. Now come over to my bed, so I can have my wicked way with you at once.”

***

On the other side of the door, a mildly offended but extremely satisfied James Potter was crouching with his ear to the door. Finally, finally, _finally_ , they had sorted themselves out, and he could not be happier for them. When Sirius had told him he was going to speak to Remus, James couldn’t resist doubling back to witness the scene. His heart was just about ready to burst. At the very back of mind, it occurred to him that he was, in fact, eavesdropping on his best mates shagging, but he pushed that thought aside. This was research. Yes, he was only collecting information to taunt them with later; information such as how _pathetically_ Sirius whimpered when Remus teased him, and how “ _oh-my-god-do-that-again_ ” the things that Sirius did with his tongue were.

“Prongs?”

James jumped away from the door and looked up as innocently as he could at Peter.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing, I- don’t go in there!”

Peter eyed him suspiciously.

“What have you done?”

“Me? Nothing! No, Padfoot and Moony are, um, practicing for, uh, choir practice.” He winced. That was a terrible lie, but he hadn’t expected to be interrupted, so consequently hadn’t had to the time to dream up an adequate excuse

“You- what, James, are they _shagging_?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You don’t have to. Your face betrays you. You’re a terrible liar. Wh- hey were you _eavesdropping_ on them?”

“N-no.”

“You’re a bloody perv Prongs.”

“Wait, how did you know they were shagging?”

Peter smirked.

“I know _everything_. You pretending to date Moony was the worst idea you’ve ever had, and that’s saying something. It was obvious those two were pining for each other. Something was bound to happen someday. Enjoy your discount pornography, I s’ppose.” 

Peter slumped back down the stairs, and James was still in shock. Granted, Peter was a lot cleverer and a lot more talented than most gave him credit for, but James never knew was so _perceptive_. Who knew all the information he had stored in that brain of his? The boy was beginning to become independent, still a Marauder, but one with a backbone. A wave of pride washed over him. He was really friends with the most wonderful people ever. He glanced back at the door. He should probably leave them. This moment was theirs after all. As he skipped down the stairs to the Common Room, his grin couldn’t be rivalled even by the happiest man on earth.

In fact, it grew even wider when he saw Lily waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

“Potter, we need to talk.”

His grin still didn’t falter. He was confident this would go well, because despite her glare, he could tell she was desperately trying to prevent herself from smiling.

“At your service, Ms Evans, just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

Okay, so he did act like an idiot around her. So what? She might find it endearing.

“Now, and on the sofa, in plain view of everyone so you don’t make too big a move on me.”

“You underestimate me, Lily, an audience is all the encouragement I need.”

She rolled her eyes, her lips twitching.

“Fine, we’ll go somewhere private.”

James clapped his hands and rubbed them enthusiastically.

“Excellent! I know a spot.”

***

“Ja-Potter, this place smells, really.”

“Oh, yeah, we sort of mucked up a potion back in fourth year, and the stench hasn’t really gone. You get used to it though. I suspect this place is going to cave in someday. For now, it’s safe, and private enough.”

“Aren’t planning on kidnapping me?”

“Kidna- who do you take me for?” he cried, fake-hurt and raising a hand to his heart.

“Okay, that was a stupid question. How did you find this place anyway?”

“First year, we were hiding from Filch and Remus felt air coming from behind the mirror. We figured there was a room behind it, and sure enough, two weeks later we managed to get in.”

“Hm, not bad. So tell me about this potion in fourth year? You’re supposed to be good at potions.”

“Did you just compliment me? Wow, I’m flattered, really. And it was a really complicated potion. It took us four tries to get it right.”

She sniffed the air.

“Does this smell like Death's-head Hawk Moth chrysalises to you?”

Panic. Lily was brilliant at Potions, and if she smelled the burnt Mandrake Leaf, she would put two and two together and figure out they’d been making an Animagus potion.

She burst out laughing.

“Your face, Potter. No need to worry, I’m pulling your leg. I already know you’re Animagi.”

“What- how?”

“Well, while you lot were busy being mad at Sirius last year, he found a confidante in me. He told me all about it. Don’t fret Potter, I haven’t told anyone. I find it sweet.”

“Sweet?”

“Yes. I wanted to kill you all at first, because what on earth were you thinking, it’s the most dangerous potion out there, and if you’d messed up, it would have gone horribly, horribly wrong.”

“But Sirius told you it was to accompany Remus during his transformations, no?”

“Well, yes. I could tell he had his heart set on it, so I tutored him in Potions.”

James stared at her. He’d always thought she was a stickler for the rules. To discover that she actually helped them to perform their most illegal piece of magic yet came as a shock.

“You’re gawking Potter.”

James quickly closed his mouth and shook his head.

“You amaze me Lily. Anyway, what did you want to talk about?”

“You. And your terrible ideas.”

“Ah.”

“So. Sirius and Remus. The most oblivious fools on this planet. Did you really think that pretending to date Remus would get Sirius to confess his love?”

“Well-”

“If tomorrow I started dating Peter, would you confess your love to me?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, bad example, even if was I married with three kids I don’t think you’d hold back.”

“Probably not.”

“But imagine right now, you were in love with Remus. Would you tell him?”

“I- no.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s with Sirius and they’re my best mates and their being happy together comes first.”

“ _Exactly_. So why did you think Sirius would do it?”

“Er, well there was a slim possibility. And it worked out in the end, so I don’t see where the issue is?”

“That seems like an awful lot of effort for just a ‘slim possibility’.”

“It was worth it?”

“Potter, do you have something you’d like to tell me?”

Oh god, she knew. She knew the original plan was to get Lily to start talking to him. Setting up Remus and Sirius was an after-thought, that eventually ended up being at the core of the plan.

“Er, well I- well I’m embarrassed now.”

She burst out laughing.

“You really thought it would get my attention? You’re delusional, Ja-Potter. I saw right through you from the beginning.”

James laughed nervously. Lily was almost terrifying in the way she so accurately dissected people’s feelings. She was bloody amazing.

Lily regained composure, and for a second looked almost sheepish.

“What if I told you it was working?”

James could hardly believe his ears. All he’d wanted for three years now was finally starting to happen.

“You- what? Did you really just say what I think you said?”

She rolled her eyes and smirked.

“Don’t lose sleep over it. You- well, you’re not exactly ugly. And you’ve shown growth. You’re still unbelievably thick-headed. But you have, uh, goodness inside of you.”

“I can’t believe it! Here we are, the two of us alone in a room, and not only are you not hexing my bollocks off, you’ve complimented me _twice_ in the last five minutes. I must be dreaming.”

“Don’t tempt me Potter,” she warned. “Now, before you start losing your mind, I have things to do.”

As she was about to step out of the room, James called her one last time. She turned around, an eyebrow raised.

“Hey, do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Absolutely not. You’re going to have to impress me much more than that to woo me.”

“Oh. Well. I was just checking. For old time’s sake!”

Christ, when would he ever learn to behave like a normal person around Lily?

“Obviously.” She smirked and turned away, but James could’ve sworn she winked at him.

Oh yes, this was going to be a brilliant year.

***

For the most part, their sixth year was possibly their best year yet. It was the last year of freedom before the crushing weight of NEWT revisions, Peter was in a happy relationship with Emmeline Vance, Sirius and Remus were madly in love, and Lily was growing fonder of James with each passing day. Their bubble of happiness was only temporary of course; as the looming war with Voldemort would make things go only downhill from there on. But overall, the Marauders couldn’t be happier. Although James did for a minute or so reconsider his support for Sirius and Remus the one time he caught them doing roleplay as Bowie and Bolan in the middle of the dorm after a particularly muddy and cold Quidditch practice when all he wanted was to go to bed. Then, perhaps, he was not so pleased.

But that didn’t really count.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp, i have finished, finally, this chapter took me a LOT less time than the previous one and yet it's my favourite.  
> comment and leave kudos and all that, it would warm my heart just so if you did :)  
> and I'm thinking of writing an epilogue where James and Lily get together officially, and also Remus and Sirius go for a ride on Tempest (because really, with a bit of chocolate and puppy-dog eyes, there's no way he'll be able to refuse Sirius)


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus finally rides Tempest with Sirius. Sexual innuendos ensue, and James observes them as per usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo yo i wrote an epilogue, forgive me for the tardiness of it all but my grandparents have no wifi so........

_ Summer 1977, Potter Manor _

“Sirius, are you  _ sure _ it’s safe?” Remus asked sceptically, eyeing the motorcycle with distrust. Sirius was affronted. 

“She has never,  _ ever _ let me down. She’s a top-of-the-line, high-performance, sturdy girl. Of  _ course _ she’s safe.”

“Did the salesman tell you that?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm. I don’t believe it. It must be a marketing ploy.”

“You have trust issues, Moons. I’ve ridden her countless times and nothing ever goes wrong.”

“Until the day it does.”

“You’re impossible.”

“You’re a hazard.”

As if to prove his point, Remus crossed his arms, and turned his face away, chin sticking out.

“If I promise not to go higher than about twenty feet, will you ride with me?”

“Twenty feet is still far too high. If we fall, we die. Don’t forget the Potters are out. It’s just the two of us. If anything goes wrong, no one will be able to save us.”

“You’re being dramatic. The Great Hall ceiling is about forty feet high, and as you may recall, we flew up there in fourth year on a broomstick to charm the ceiling for our end of year prank. And it’s a bloody good job they’re out, else they’d have a fit. We have Prongs to save us in case anything goes wrong, though I think he’s in the loo at the moment. We’ll be fine.”

Remus seemed to toy with this information in his mind for a while, so Sirius decided a little more convincing would do the trick.

“You can make me wear a dog-collar as often as you like during sex. For the rest of our time at Hogwarts.”

Remus grinned wickedly.

“Oh, you are going to regret you ever said that. You’re on then, Black.”

Sirius whooped. He could deal with the whole dog-collar ordeal later, but for now, Moony was going to ride Tempest with him. Who knew, maybe he would enjoy it, and maybe Sirius would get to ride with him all the time. Maybe the dog-collar wouldn’t be so bad.

Which was an awful lot of maybes.

Still, now was not the time to dwell on possibilities. Sirius clapped his hands together and mounted the bike.

“Do you want to go in front or behind me?”

“Which is safer?”

“Moons, you’re the first person to ride with me. How should I know?”

“In front. That way I won’t slide off the back.”

Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus climbed up on his lap, wrapping his arms and legs tightly around his torso and waist.

“Remus you aren’t a monkey. You’re supposed to put your legs on either side of the bike and face the road.”

“But I feel safer this way!” Remus pouted and Sirius thought the sheer cuteness of it just might kill him.

“You’re constricting my breathing. We wouldn’t want me to faint high up in the air, now would we?”

Remus immediately shifted positions, his back pressed against Sirius’ chest.

“Tosser. Don’t you go dying on me okay?”

“I would never. Then who would bring you chocolate when you’re in the Hospital Wing? You wouldn’t survive a day without me.”

Sirius could practically hear Remus’ eye roll.

“Don’t test me. May I remind you of the dog-collar situation?”

Sirius choked and clamped his mouth shut instantly.

“That’s what I thought. Now move it. The sooner this is over the better.”

He revved up the engine and Remus tensed against his chest.

“Ready?”

“No?”

He took off anyway.

***

Remus closed his eyes the second they left the ground. He could not look down, for fear of fainting, as they flew higher and higher. To be fair, they didn’t seem to be going that fast, and despite the wind blowing in his face, they seemed quite stable.

Which didn’t stop him from keeping his eyes shut tight.

After a minute of what felt like them moving around in circles, Sirius bent forward and whispered, “Higher, Moony?”

“H-huh?”

“Do you want to go higher?”

“I, um, well-”

Sirius laughed softly in his ear.

“You can open your eyes. Trust me.”

So Remus opened them.

The motorcycle was hovering in midair, not moving. They really weren’t flying that high - perhaps ten feet? - and Remus could easily jump off without getting hurt, if he so wished. But he found that he did not wish to jump off, because it wasn’t that scary, and his lover was pressed against his back, holding him tight, breath tickling his ear.

Remus turned his neck around and flashed Sirius a grin.

“Is this all you’ve got?” he said.

“Is that a challenge? I’ll show you what she’s capable of. Challenge accepted.”

Remus regretted it instantly. Sirius revved up the engines, and shot forward, the force of the wind pressing him back into Sirius.

This time Remus couldn’t close his eyes, out of fear of what might happen if he didn’t look. And so, Remus watched, petrified, as Sirius went full speed ahead, swerving through narrow paths between the trees, making sharp turns, diving freely before pulling out of it at the last possible second, narrowly avoiding crashing into the brick walls of Potter Manor on multiple occasions, zigging and zagging, upwards, downwards, sidewards, slantwards and a whole slew of made up words to describe what the proper vocabulary couldn’t.

Oh yes, Sirius was having a blast, and Remus promised internally he would make him pay for it later on.

And then, finally, after what seemed like hours but was probably only about five minutes, Sirius slowed down, then stilled just over the willow tree.

“Remember the willow in the Great Hall?”

“When you kept spouting out the cheesiest lines.” Remus shifted his legs around to face him.

“Huh?” Sirius’ brows furrowed in concentration for a few seconds, then he winced. “Oh God, don’t remind me. Whatever charm they put up there made me far too comfortable with discussing my feelings or whatever.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Was.”

“Wasn’t”

“Was.”

“Wasn’t.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, you dolt. Wasn’t.”

“Was. Anyway, I meant what I said. You’re the light of my life.”

“Wasn’t. What is it with Willow trees and making your otherwise filthy mouth say the sweetest stuff?”

“Oh, I can show you just how filthy my mouth can be. Right now if you want.”

“No thanks, I’d prefer the comfort of your room.” Remus paused as his eye caught James’ staring at them through the bathroom window. “And I’d also prefer it if Prongs wasn’t watching us from the bathroom.”

“Huh?” Sirius whipped his head around and waved. “Nosy bugger,” he said affectionately. “What do you say if we put on a show for him, right here, see if he’s still interested in watching us?”

“We aren’t having sex on your motorcycle.”

“No, not sex, just-” he was cut off as Remus pressed his lips to his own, aggressively poking his tongue inside of his mouth, messily snogging the life out of him. They pulled apart in time to see a thoroughly disgusted-looking James Potter flipping two fingers at them.

“So, what was it you said about showing me just how filthy your mouth is?”

“Mmm, yes. Bedroom. Now.”

***

As it turned out, Sirius loved wearing the dog-collar. But he would never admit to that openly. When James bought him a new one for his birthday, it was pure coincidence, if James ‘accidentally’ walking in on them talking about it could be considered coincidence.

But really, was anything ever coincidental in the world of the Marauders?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we have finished my friends. i'm considering writing a sequel for James and his beautiful Lilith Evanescence


End file.
